Depression

You don’t have to push against your thoughts or choose different thoughts or try to get rid of your thoughts. Doing any of that just adds to the resistance that’s already there. The only reason you do this is because you believe that this is how it’s going to be forever. That’s what depression is, or at least what it’s been for me. You get stuck in a perpetual loop of suffering and it stretches out into infinity because you believe this is literally all there is, and that this is how it will always be. And it feels so bad because if you really notice what thoughts are there, you’ll notice how they keep you tied down to a past and a future repeating itself over and over again in your mind, and never to the present moment. You’ll notice that these thoughts think they know so much, when really they know nothing at all. And when you give up thinking that you know how everything was or is or will be… the depression lifts as well.

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Presents

The things that you want can only come to you when you’re living in the present moment. If you’re busy living in the past or future, all the things meant for you can’t get to you because you’re not living in the present moment where you can actually receive them, which is the only real place there is. And the only place real things that are meant for you can find you is in the only real place there is: Now, The Present Moment. That’s where all the presence is, and that’s where all your presents are. Real things cannot find you in an illusory past or future.

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Things don’t take time, they take love.

Things don’t take time. They actually take the absence of time and the presence of love. They take the absence of you dragging yourself endlessly across a timeline of past, present and future. Things don’t take a long time, and they don’t take consistent, boring and repetitive effort. They just take love.

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Alan Watts – The Potato Speaks

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Personifying brooks.

So I’m this little brook and I really, really want to get to the ocean. Because that’s where all the water goes, and I really want to get to where all the other water droplets have gone. And all around me are these beautiful trees or tall grasses and reeds, and it’s all lush, golden and green and I’m flowing and dancing over rocks and weaving through small boulders. And it’s so lovely because I’ve got this beautiful view on either side and sometimes there’s a log that falls across me like a bridge, or there’s an actual bridge. So the little animals and children can run across me to get to the other side. Sometimes they scurry back and forth and play games. Sometimes they just stand at a halfway point and admire everything as if they’re seeing the world for the first time. It’s really wonderful here; It’s almost timeless.

So I’m this little brook but I really want to get to the river, because once I’m at the river I’m halfway there. And then it’s the big ocean for me. So I get to the river and it’s kind of nice here as well. It’s wider and the water’s rougher in some parts and there are waterfalls which are actually really fun because they’re like Mother Nature’s water parks. There’s still a lovely view on either side of trees and hills and mountains in the distance. But still, I really do just want to get to the ocean because that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Well, isn’t it?

So finally I get to the ocean one day. I get to the ocean and I’m so thrilled that I’ve finally reached my destination. I get to the ocean and I pour all of myself into it and I flow and flow until I’m somewhere in the deep blue center of it all. But now there’s hardly any scenery, save for an endless blue sky meeting an endless body of water. But there are no rocks or boulders to climb or dance around. There are no children playing here, hardly any life is visible at surface level, and I’m even getting a bit seasick now. And you know, now I can’t help but wonder, because I’m a bit disappointed. I’m a bit let down about the whole thing. I heard such wonderful stories about this place, about finally making it, about finally arriving. There was so much anticipation and so much promise.

But now I miss the children. I miss the laughter. I miss the birds perched on tree branches. I miss the swaying reeds and I miss the view. I miss the view so much. I never really bothered to get a good look at that view, and now all I have is this blue canvas of a sky to fill in with my own imagination and memories. But it’s not quite the same thing, is it?

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What is love?

It just occurred to me — I think many of us feel guilty about letting our fears and worries go, especially when it comes to friends, family and loved ones, because we believe that if we stop worrying about them then that means we no longer care about them or love them. But that’s only because most of us have been raised to believe that worrying and fearing for someone’s safety, health and life equates to love. This is what we’ve been taught love is: fearing, worrying, owning, possessing, obsessing and controlling with “tough love” and all our “good intentions”. But that’s not what love is, and we won’t ever find out what honest, authentic and unconditional love is until we give up the worry, the fear, and especially the guilt over choosing to no longer worry or fear.

Most people won’t budge an inch anyway, no matter how much you beg them to change, or obsess over their poor eating habits, or try and control their behavior with threats and bribery.

Real love, the kind that can move mountains, lies outside of the realm of all that fear based thinking. You can’t love someone if you’re too busy worrying and fearing and trying to force them to change, even in the most subtle and well meaning of ways. Love is not that, and that is not Love. Love is something else entirely. It does not attach itself to an outcome or condition, and it does not give itself and then take itself away based upon whether that outcome occurs or that condition is fulfilled. It’s simply there, all the time, no matter what and it is rooted entirely in the freedom of the other person to be exactly as they are without needing them to change so that your own fears and worries subside. That is conditional love, and so it should not even be called love at all, but control.

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Poem

you get so tired
of being beautiful
you don’t even bother
with matching socks
you just run into the wild
into the gaping mouth of the animal
you were before they
snuffed it out of you
and you become the wild
or as much of it as you can
and you run towards the bewildering trees
and become the forest
or as much of it as you can
and when you find the highest peak
you jump
and become a bird, a cloud, the end of your life and the beginning of Life itself
or as much of it as you can

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